Unhappy

Sat around waiting to hang out with my best friend for three days. I feel like yelling at him right now.. Like do you even care about my feelings, do you care that when you say your going to do something and then you bail on me, it is like a knife in my heart. And I feel like I have been let down by the only person I never thought would let me down. We are all humans, we cant always count on them.. they will let us down no matter what they do to try and not to. You are my best friend, but I feel like things are changing between us, and not in the good way. I feel jealous of any girl that is in your life. THIS CANT HAPPEN TO ME... You don't want to be with me, you will never be with me, but why cant I get you out of my head?!? After having dinner with you and your roommate, I cried on the way home. You try to hid it. But I can tell/see how you look at her, not in a loving way, but more of "Shes mine" kind of a way. You tell me to be nice and take a nice pill the entire time I am there. If you want me to be nice, don't bring your roommate that you are sleeping with along with you when I sat around for 3 fucking days to hang out with you and changed my plans all around so I could get one more night with you and then you bring her along to dinner. Its not what I wanted.. I'm in love with a man that doesn't love me back, and can't because he wont take a chance.. Why would he though.. he knows my past. he knows everything about me why would he want anything to do with me? I want to move to Seattle, but for what? a job I cant get, a man I'm in love with but that doesn't love me back.. I feel so hurt. Almost like my life is falling apart all over again. Falling all around me while your life moves on, I feel like I have been waiting for you for so long, but doesn't matter because all it is for you is a show/game/mind twister for you. A man that fears nothing is a man that loves nothing... Love, Big love, Great love Love: the one you can get over in a couple months. Big Love: the one that takes a couple years to get over. Great Love: the one that no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to get over them. Love is a strange thing, and it makes you do crazy outrageous things. For me its a Great Love I feel for him. I wont ever get over it. I wont ever be happy with someone else. I'm not sure how I am going to get past this.