That's right.. Guy after guy they have weaseled their way into my life... None worthy enough to call my boyfriend.. None worthy enough to call my husband.. At this point in my life, I have put up with guys that cheat, lie, pretend to be interested, but never put the effort out to make it work. Its not supposed to be all on me to make a relationship work, its a mutual effort. If they can't see that, than they are a waste of time.
Yes they are guys, and they don't mature as fast as women, and yes I have my own trust issues. But if I didn't have those I might be married to someone that would treat me in a way that NO ONE should be treated.
As of now I need a man that can prove that he is worthy of being my boyfriend and future husband. Someone who WILL put that effort out to comfort me when I have my doubts, or when people try and put those doubts in my head. Someone who understands where I am coming from and can accept me as I am(am I perfect? HECK NO), and not make me work for the relationship, but it come naturally. I don't need to think that the person I am seeing is off seeing other people, and the guy will need make time to see me without me asking.
I am going to try and put everything in the past, and not let another guy into my heart since every time I do.. I get hurt, with or without him knowing. At some point I will need to let someone in, but when that time comes, he will KNOW that he wants a relationship, and WILL put that effort into wining and dinning me. That is what I would want, and that's what I would want to do for him.
I was talking with a friend recently about my best friend Jake, and that I do love the guy, but is he the right guy for me, honestly I don't think he is, but I do love him in a way that I don't love other people. he does have a place in my heart that NO ONe can even comprehend. He has been there for me when my exboyfriend broke up with me, when I got my DUI, when I had guy problems. He has ALWAYS been there, and I will always love him for that.. He is a TRUE friend and I plan on keeping him around.
As for me and my issues, it is something I will be working on since who would want to be with someone that has trust issues, or has a past like mine. My past is huge, there is no running from it, just learning and moving forward with it. Is it something I can learn from over night, NO. But I am going to try, and possibly one day I will find that person that can sweep me off my feet, and make me fall madly in love with him, and treat me like I know I should be treated, and make it easy for me to care for him without feeling that I am smothering him or doing something wrong.
I don't think I will find it anytime soon, but that gives me time to figure out what I am doing in my life, where I am going, and how I can learn more from what I have heard and seen in my life.
Moving forward, the only man for me is Jesus Christ. He is the only one that has NOT let me down, the only one I can turn to for help and guidance.
I will not allow my heart to hurt for someone that doesn't feel the same about me, or that does not show that he feels the same about me. Life is to short to worry, stress and over think things, but it is a good time to take peoples advice when they have your best interest at hand.
From now on I will be ignoring the men that just want a piece of me, and ignoring the people that think they know what they want from me but don't have my interest at hand.
It is hard to say and think that there is something wrong with me, but honestly, there is, I can't trust people, I always think the worst in men because of what I have had to deal with and put up with or seen in my past. How am I going to learn from it??? I am not sure yet, but in time I will figure it out at some point, it will just take time
We are all human, we all make mistakes but how you learn from it is completely different. Some people are crazy, some people love, some people are crazy in love, some people are dorky, some people hate, some people think its okay to lie, and to be lied to if in the best interest of the person. Honestly most people need to learn and grow up.. am I any of those? Yes.. Am I proud of it? Not about all of it, but I will learn. It will take time.
My mother asked me the other day why my relationships haven't worked out, my answer "I'm picky" this is true, but not fully.. Other part to that is its hard for me to believe someone when people tell you to be careful with them. Or seeing how they are with people around you. Its hard to think that someone that is persevered to be a nice person can put a front up for so long before they get caught lying or cheating or even just not being honest about what they want.
And dealing with the guys in my past that say they are obsessed with me, but are trying to cheat on their wife, well I have NO respect for you, and I am completely happy nothing ever came of us. I would not want to be that person that would be getting a divorce because of a stupid choice in picking a person like you.
Reading through my posts you can see that there have been a lot of problems in my relationships. And I am partially to blame for it. But if I can't be who I am with you, than WHY would I want to be with out.
I think this is going to be the best time to figure out WHO I am and how I can improve my life without worrying what other people think of it. Honestly I do feel pressure about finding a guy and getting married, I am 22 and will be 23 in February, but that is just part of my life, I need to find a way to keep things on one level instead of my emotions going up and down all the time like they have been lately. Its to much stress and when that happens I start to shut down, and get cranky which I HATE.
The thing is I shouldn't need a man to make me happy, I should be happy before I find a guy, and I don't feel happy right now, maybe its because of the week I have had, but the stress of normal life on top of relationship life is to much. I need to figure things out with my bills and work, and where I am moving, if I am moving out of the Tri-Cities or if I am going to stay here and organize my life here.
If your reading this, I don't mean to offend you, or for you to look down on me or even think this is about you. It is just easier for me to sort out my thoughts on here.
