Bad Day....

Feeling like anyone I trust stabs me in the back.

I don't feel like I can trust a single one of my friends, or count on anyone.
Family and my best friend Jake, that's it....

I wish I could move and just start over.
I'm tired of thinking these people are my friends, and thinking that we all would be closer than just saying "Hey, whats up" and that be the end of the conversation. I hate fake friends, and that's what they all are... FAKE!! Only one I can count on is Jake. Why? because hes always there when I need someone, and tells me how it is, doesn't sugar coat a dang thing.



I am tired of life. I am tired of people. I want it all to end and me be happy in heaven. I just want it to all be over. I want to sit and cry, curl up and not talk to anyone for weeks. I just can't take my life anymore, it's drama and I hate it. People better watch out because I am not going to be putting up with it anymore. I can't my life sucks because of them.

I don't feel like I can tell my friends how I really feel, I'M IN PAIN.. My body hurts and I can't take it anymore.

My head is doing it again! :(

Can't sleep, but I want to. :(


Stuck thinking about guys again.

Watched "Hitched" last night with a friend, made me think that the whole dating scene is a big mind game.

We all want to find love, we all want to find someone that we connect well with, that we want to go home to and be excited to tell them about our day at work (etc)

I went and saw Friends With benefits today. Like my friend said, it gave you the heart wrenching part, but then gave you the happy ending that we all want.

But we all know that the movie doesn't show everything. Because, can we really have a happy ending every time? NO. It is a myth. There is always fighting, cheating, lying, etc...

Will I ever find my "Prince charming"? Well I thought I had once. But that ended, for the best of course. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Am I okay with it now? Oh yes. All I can say to that is that, I am happy it ended when it did, instead of after getting deep in the relationship(marriage). People aren't what they seem. We don't always mean to, but we hurt people we love, in small ways, in large ways, unintentionally and intentionally. The good guys/gals get stabbed in the back by the ones that don't care. And the ones that don't care... Well they just don't care about their actions, or consequences and it doesn't bug them that because of what they are doing now might wreak havoc later in life.

Looking at my friends(guy #1), one is a good guy, that deserves so much, from his family and friends, but he hasn't received it, and the other friend(guy #2, Same family) well he doesn't care. You can see it plainly in his actions and the way he talks to people. He takes advantage of people (girls). Would I do anything for him(guy #2), probably not. As for his brother... Yes. I would, I have been the good girl for so long that I know a good person when I see one.

I don't understand the mindset of someone that doesn't care about their actions. How they can live with themselves. Hurting people around them, and still get so much out of life. You would think their actions would catch up with them, but it seems that they just push the bad luck on the people that are good.

Like my other friend. He has a family that loves him, a daughter that loves him, and friends that love him. Does he get cut any slack? NO absolutely NOT. He gets cheated on, stabbed in the back by "friend" and gets pushed to the side. Does this make me happy? HECK NO! If I could I would make everything better for him and my other friend if it were in my power. Its what I would want from them if they could do anything.

There is so much pain in the world... Why do we need to make anymore? Why do people stab each other in the back, take advantage or con people in or out of things? Because it's sin, and there can't be good with out the bad.

I am blessed to have such an amazing family, but I can't say that everyone is this fortunate. My life isn't going as I thought it would, by the age of 19 I thought I would have found "My guy", get married and start having kids by the age of 21-22. I am 22 now going on 23, and haven't had a real relationship in over 2 years. Does this upset me that I am single? In a way yes, but than I think about the guys that lie and cheat, and then it makes me happy that I don't have to deal with the drama,and shows me I am blessed by my friends and family that stick by my side. I do want to find someone that I can spend all my extra time with, and lose my friends for because I don't want to be away from that person, yes I would. Is it healthy? NO. But once that happens you know you have found something amazing, and you don't want to let it go.

Daily I get talked to like I am a piece of meat, that some guy can buy, cook, chew it up and spit it out. This is why I am single. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and not a piece of meat. Having a conversation that doesn't turn dirty or perverted. Sex is awesome, in the right concept though. It's not what a relationship is supposed to be based off of. If the relationship is based off of sex than it is set up for failure. You have to have a deeper connection than the physical, if you don't it will not last. Anyone can have sex, but someone that can hold a conversation that doesn't turn dirty/inappropriate can make a relationship last. Being able to talk about what/how and why they feel a certain way with out being judged or shut out by the other person will have more of a chance of making a friendship/relationship work.

The people that talk dirty or inappropriate wont get far in a relationship, they will maybe make it a month to 2-3 years, it wont last though. Someone that can hold a conversation that isn't inappropriate will be able to make the friendship/relationship last for years and years, and they will cherish it, they will bend over backwards for the other person. Even if its just a friend.

If my best friend asked me for something that I could do, I wouldn't hesitate to do it for him. The only reason is because he has been there for me over the years, listening to my problems and helping in anyway he could. *this is a true friend*

I always get told by my friend that when I "Fall" for a guy I fall HARD. I guess I hold my heart on my sleeve. This is and isn't a bad thing. It is because I get hurt easier, and isn't a bad thing because that means when I fall for the right person I will be overly loved and over joyed by having someone so amazing.

Yes I think about guys a lot, another friend of mine asked me after I stopped seeing someone that was lying to me if there was someone new. There isn't anyone, but that is how bad it is for me, people notice that I fall fairly easily for guys. I have learned this year how to be content with myself, its something I struggle with but something that I will have to constantly work on.

Well I am going to cut myself off right now and head to bed. I probably shouldn't be up this late.

Night world.
~Bethany

Grow a pair of balls, and grow UP!

So I am calling it quits....

I ignored all the red flags, and glad I didn't get as hurt as I usually do.

If your going to say your phone doesn't work to me and then later that day your friend comes up to you and says text me and call me when you get off work. WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK I WOULD STAY AROUND WAITING?

You are the LARGEST DOUCHE I have ever known.

I am glad that its over and I don't have to put up with your crap. You are TOOO MUCH DRAMA for my life.

And I'd just like to say SEEE YAAAA SUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Acting like a child

Got to love when people just randomly stop talking to you.

You would think a middle aged person would know how to talk something out, or at least say "It's over" but no. Just be a baby about the whole thing.

I am getting sooo tired of this. I get tried of trying, and then getting shot down, or not even being told that it's over.

GARRRRR I NEED A VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't open my heart to anyone.

Any time I do, I get hurt. This is a thing that has not changed over the years. Maybe its because I hurt a few guys and this is the payback I get.

All I can say is I am tired of my heart hurting. I am tried of guys taking advantage of me. I tried to help in any way I could.

I feel like he's lying to me, and possibly seeing someone else.
I just can't keep doing this. Either we are something or we aren't I'm not going to keep playing the games. I want something serious. Not just a fling because I get attached.

Yeah there are things that I might have to work on, but I am not going to change myself so I can be with you.

Why would you be with me if that was the case.

Pretty much want to tell you to SHOVE IT and leave it at that.